Craftbag+Designs

June 2, 2012 1:19 pm

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Fawn-tastic. Anyone?

11 notes Filed under: art, etsy, illustration, deer, fawn,.

June 1, 2012 5:30 pm

Unbreakable/handle with care

ithinkso

If I get one of these ceramic cups, I promise not to smash it. This time.

Being here in Seoul, I’ve had these moments of anger where I feel immovable.

As though I were so angry that I’d walk straight into the columns in the subway just because those bastards need to get out of my way.

But why. Why so angry? What for?

Because my life isn’t exactly what I wanted? Yeah, me and everyone else.

Once, when we first arrived in Seoul, three or so weeks into my life as a pre-school teacher by day/exhausted web content specialist at night, I just lost it. Like totally lost my shit.

David and I were walking home from work. I think it was around 7:30 pm. We had to stay late to finish up godknowswhat, and the rage just hit me. Bowled me over. I was so frustrated, so exhausted, so fed-up. We were talking and then mid-sentence, I smashed my cup. It was this lovely ceramic travel mug that was a lovely gift from D. I smashed it all over the sidewalk and started crying.

It was a culmination of the past few years of what has felt like constant stress. Of money woes and healthcare headaches. Job searches and debt. Bleary-eyed late night Skype calls and bleary-eyed early morning wake-up calls. Nagging six-year-olds tugging at my pants legs and speaking what is essentially gibberish (don’t worry, they’re improving). The omnipresent feeling of always being conspicuously foreign.

I cried for awhile. David and I talked. I calmed down. Realized that things were going to improve. I mean they had to. There was no where to go but up. It was a bizarre, tactile release, smashing that cup. One that was oddly out of character for me.

But maybe it was the end of something and/or the beginning of a new chapter.

Things have improved so much in the weeks hence.

Maybe it’s the sunshine. Maybe it’s me just taking each day as it comes, realizing that our situation is actually improving day by day.

Tous les jours à tous points de vue je vais de mieux en mieux.

I’d say I’ve had moments of actual bliss. Little moments. A good cup of coffee. Listening to my Feist playlist while my pre-school students diligently fill out their Activity Books. New discoveries and new masteries. Retail therapy. Having an actual (albeit short) conversational exchange entirely in Korean.

It’s only a year. Well, more like nine months now. I can do this.

As such, I think I can be trusted around ceramic cups again.